YYYYAAAAYYYY!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY & I AIN'T GONNA CRY

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December 31st, 2023.

IT'S 10 PM. And honestly? I don't know if I really want to go out tonight. I mean, sure... ir's New Year's Eve, big party and all that,.,

Was going to go to Vegas but just don't have the cash. I'm not going to go into all the "money woes". But it does suck. The trip was going to be a great value. I paid $113 for 3 nights at Trump International Resort. But now it will cost me $600 - 700... maybe more. Would have been nice since I've never been to "New Vegas". Last time I was there was back in 1992 or so.

Rented a car even. But just didn't get the cash together. My buddy Bill and I are really struggling. Don't understand why. Bad economy?

But here's the thing. This past 6 months? 7 now, really... all along there's been this suggestion that I'm to "come up big somehow". I had a piece I wrote called Premises. If I find it I'll share it. Just suggested endings to "the story". For me, this last round of the fucking game... (Oh, that's tonight's latest push) was preceded by 3 months of what I considered an extremely productive part of my life as far as getting my shit together. I had met a Woman online. We were of similar interests and had a lot of deep interactions. Thought we were going to meet up at the Dead shows I caught back in July. 

But that just all disappeared somehow...

It's like her account was hacked (Have mine been to that extent?) And She was replaced by those currently fucking up my life. I think it's just sad that they continue to do this. Each day suggesting that She is on the way and I'll soon be able to experience the lifestyle I've sought for 26 years or so. Ever since an old girlfriend dumped my ass... That heartbreak took a decade and 4 DUIs to get over. But i did... Sobered up in 2006 and began what was to be a productive period of my life. Maybe the work didn't pan out like I thought. Hopes of getting a contractor's license dashed by the felony DUIs, but I could have probably gotten those erased most likely. The false accusation of assault, and bullshit "elder abuse"  charges by Ameriucan Ambulance and Fresno PD (respectively) made it impossible to get insured as an individual to run a small business. Especially in my trade of commercial and residential remodel & renovation; maintenance and repair.

Oh well.

Anyways, I rented a car for the trip. First thing I did was go visit Gran and Pap in the cemetary in Clovis. You know, pay my respects to the dead.

Every day they suggest "You're going to die". Pretty sure they don't mean literally, but dozens of times a day? It hurts someone like me who's sensitive to such emotions as grief.

They sometimes clarify: It's sex. Or your going to be rich and can't go out in public. That "I know too much" and am in the CIA...

But it's fucked up. Right after I went to the cemetary, they were pushing that I had won $3 million in gold. Worth 100 times more. It's always some big sell. That I meet the Mistress of my dreams. Or get to hang with some serious Female vocalists that I love and respect greatly.

Or marry all sorts of women... that I must do so to get my "inheritance".

Inheritance?

You mean the $60k that I spent trying to explain that they are doing something wrong, because I have no idea what the fuck they want. Why they would torture me mentally and emotionally for almost 200 days now? After HAVING 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE WASTED BY THEM??? 5 YEARS LOCKED UP! ANOTHER 5 OR MORE ON CLOSELY SCRUTINIZED PROBATION.

I was crying after the cemetary. Trying to process what is going on... For them to say that I'm all of sudden rich? Then they went to far...

SAID MY GRAN WAS STILL ALIVE

The one who died while I was locked up back in 2017. The one whose hand I wanted to hold when She passed... Like I did with my other grandmother. Like i wanted to do with my Mom.

They took 12 years or so from me. Have ruined the relationships I had with my Dad and Brother. Both think I'm crazy for whatever fucked up reason. My bro wouldn't even have me over for Christmas. And I wanted to see my nieces. One is working abroad in London. The other for a major network.

Next week I'm going to look into bankruptcy I guess. There doesn't seem to be any money coming. I'm being "blocked" from the kind of Female relationships I want. Work is messed up. And attempts to do something online? They hack me 24/7. Accounts get locked. Phone numbers lost. Along with contacts. I discovcered two charges in Morro Bay from ATMS totalling $2500! In four day's time? Pretty sure I would remember that.

Well. Fuck 'em. Going to sue:

Fresno County (Administrates the jail)

Fresno PD (False charge of elder abuse)

CA State Hospital System (Atascadero)

American Ambulance

Clerk of Courts (maybe?) for not removing the Elder Abuse charge that teh police are actually resposibkle for when it was dropped as part of plea deal. 

My attorney?

The DA?

Obviously going out of state for an attorney. 

Hell, I've been Googling "Cities that hate Fresno" even.

10 years of missed birthday parties and fun stuff. Who knows exactly how much money. $100k maybe? A million over the years in lost revenue? Because they fucked up and are too chicken shit to cop to it?

Because of this stuff:








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